WHAT FLESH-DEVOURING, MARROW-SUCKING, GUT-EVISCERATING, ALL-AROUND TERRIFYING MAGICAL CREATURE SHOULD YOU BE? Find out with this hair-raising quiz by Octonofilia Scamander, magizoology expert!
[[MORE]]1. Your favorite food is… A. In large enough servings to satisfy your entire colony. B. Alive- you’re not really picky, as long as there’s blood involved. C. Caught by you, prepared by you, and eaten only by you- you’re not giving anyone else the recipe! D. Asleep- you’re not the hunting type. E. Human.
2. Which subject did you enjoy most in school? A. You were good at everything. B. Transfiguration. C. Potions. D. Flying. E. None of them! Seriously?
3. Your dream home would be… A. A hut in the middle of a rainforest, with no one but nature and your closest friends for company. B. An apartment in the heart of a city that never sleeps- you live for excitement! C. If anyone thinks you don’t have every inch of your manor grounds on the outskirts of a major city planned out, they’re so wrong. D. You don’t have one, really- wanderlust is in your bones. E. A cave on a mountainside, with a good view of the villages below- you never know when you’ll need a good meal.
4. Describe your personal style. A. Dark colors, neutrals, and the rare pants suit that fits all of your extra limbs. B. Smooth, shining, and completely bulletproof. C. It depends on your mood! D. Black. All black, all the time. With occasional shades of black. E. Anything that has large enough pockets for the weaponry you carry.
5. As a general rule, do you like other people? A. You’re not close to many, but you’ll kill for the ones you care for. B. You like people fine, they don’t seem to like you! C. Yes, but not raw. D. No. Never. Well, they’re bearable when they’re too miserable to talk in my presence. E. Raw.
6. It’s been two years since you escaped from prison, and your mortal enemy, a man who killed your father, married your sweetheart, and got you sent to prison for fourteen years, is finally within your grasp. Once you have destroyed everything he loves, how are you going to kill him? A. You don’t have to kill him all at once- why lose the chance at fresh meat? Just wrap him up real tight and devour him bit by bit. B. You don’t have to kill him at all- just a look in the eye from you will be enough to drive him to his own death. C. You’re torn between poison (come on, has anyone seen someone else poisoned, it’s not dignified at all) and letting him live in destitution. D. Suffocate him, and then digest him right then and there. You don’t put anything to waste. E. Club him to death. Why make things fancy?
If you answered mostly A: You are an ACROMANTULA. You’re smart, resourceful, and have very strong bonds to your family and your home. People tend to take advantage of the venom in your fangs and your strong protective instincts, which may lead to being perceived as unruly or antisocial. Keep close to the people who value you for who you really are- you never know who’ll make good sustenance in times of trouble- and practice avoiding eye contact!
If you answered mostly B: You are a BASILISK. Your strong personality may put people off, but don’t let that discourage you from befriending the few who can really understand your language. Your unusual upbringing and your arresting looks make you the center of attention everywhere you go, though they may also earn you a lot of enemies. You’re one of a kind- don’t take orders from just anyone, and don’t waste your life looking into mirrors!
If you answered mostly C: You are a RUNESPOOR. People might think you’re a Dark and cold-blooded being, when you’re really just misunderstood. A natural leader, you are at once a planner, a dreamer, and your own worst critic- you have very specific ideas on how to do things, but your tendency to micromanage may lead in self-sabotage if you don’t keep it in check. Learn to keep from biting your own heads off- snack on other people’s instead!
If you answered mostly D: You are a LETHIFOLD. Almost nothing is known about you, except that you eat people in the night and are killed by moments of pure joy. Consider wearing black less often, and try being less suffocating!
If you answered mostly E: You are a TROLL. IN THE DUNGEON. THOUGHT YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.

WHAT FLESH-DEVOURING, MARROW-SUCKING, GUT-EVISCERATING, ALL-AROUND TERRIFYING MAGICAL CREATURE SHOULD YOU BE? Find out with this hair-raising quiz by Octonofilia Scamander, magizoology expert!

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An interesting case of Splinching has come to our attention. Mr. Blickley, 43, was Apparating home on Saturday after working an extra shift. Unfortunately for him, lack of sleep and jealousy of his mates who went fishing without him made Mr. Blickley wish he was somewhere else.
His head has being fished out of the river by his best friend Mr. Johnson, who is now in being treated in St. Mungo’s alongside with Mr. Blickley.
The Quibbler reminds you: keep your head on straight during Apparition, or you might lose it!

An interesting case of Splinching has come to our attention. Mr. Blickley, 43, was Apparating home on Saturday after working an extra shift. Unfortunately for him, lack of sleep and jealousy of his mates who went fishing without him made Mr. Blickley wish he was somewhere else.

His head has being fished out of the river by his best friend Mr. Johnson, who is now in being treated in St. Mungo’s alongside with Mr. Blickley.

The Quibbler reminds you: keep your head on straight during Apparition, or you might lose it!

The Quibbler recommends: 
Levitation under the open sky helps with sleeplessness and back pain! Still using the Levitation Charm and waking up on the ground? Try the Floating Charm instead!
And don’t forget to let us know of the results.

The Quibbler recommends: 

Levitation under the open sky helps with sleeplessness and back pain! Still using the Levitation Charm and waking up on the ground? Try the Floating Charm instead!

And don’t forget to let us know of the results.

MAY 1999
GHOST SICKNESS OR MINISTRY’S NEW SECRET WEAPON?
For far too long they made us believe that what is dead cannot die again. And they were wrong! Our loyal subscriber, Mrs. Chandler, has informed us of terrifying news: her husband, deceased for almost a decade, is now on a deathbed all over again! “This is a nightmare!” Mrs. Chandler writes. “One morning, he just began melting! We sent an owl to St. Mungo’s, but they insist ghosts cannot get sick! What should we do?!”
The epidemics seems to be happening all over the place. At least three of our subscribers confirmed that they haven’t seen their family ghosts for over a week. Have they also melted away? And what is causing this horrible catastrophe?
“It has to be the Ministry!” Mrs. Chandler continues in her letter. “Kingsley Shacklebolt had promised to find a new way to guard Azkaban, and now he found one!” Mr. Shacklebolt, predictably, denies the accusations. “I have no intention to use ghosts as guards for Azkaban!” he informed our correspondent.
BUT DOES HE [[MORE]]
It has been several years since Azkaban lost the Dementors, yet, not a single person has escaped from it. As Mr. Shacklebolt continues to refuse giving comments about the Azkaban’s new guarding policy, claiming that he doesn’t want to tip off those preparing break-ins, the ghosts continue to disappear. Can it be that the Ministry is preparing to use ghosts’ essence to create new creatures? After all, we all know that Dementors were created by no one other than Grogan Stump, the Minister for Magic and the founder of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. With reforms of the department under way, it only seems fitting that Mr. Shacklebolt would take after his predecessor. Unfortunately, even Spirit Division seems to have fallen under Shacklebolt’s spell. “There is no conspiracy! No disease! All ghosts are safe!” they replied in a Howler sent to our office.
Mrs. Chandler, though, remains unconvinced. And how can’t she, when her husband is losing his form right before her very eyes? “They have always ignored our complaints. Spirit Division is nothing but a joke! I’m not even sure there are any real ghosts among them!” she confessed to our correspondent.
The Quibbler advices: lock your ghosts in an iron safe! Iron will protect the ectoplasm from losing its form.
More on the story as it develops.

MAY 1999

GHOST SICKNESS OR MINISTRY’S NEW SECRET WEAPON?

For far too long they made us believe that what is dead cannot die again. And they were wrong! Our loyal subscriber, Mrs. Chandler, has informed us of terrifying news: her husband, deceased for almost a decade, is now on a deathbed all over again! “This is a nightmare!” Mrs. Chandler writes. “One morning, he just began melting! We sent an owl to St. Mungo’s, but they insist ghosts cannot get sick! What should we do?!”

The epidemics seems to be happening all over the place. At least three of our subscribers confirmed that they haven’t seen their family ghosts for over a week. Have they also melted away? And what is causing this horrible catastrophe?

“It has to be the Ministry!” Mrs. Chandler continues in her letter. “Kingsley Shacklebolt had promised to find a new way to guard Azkaban, and now he found one!” Mr. Shacklebolt, predictably, denies the accusations. “I have no intention to use ghosts as guards for Azkaban!” he informed our correspondent.

BUT DOES HE

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